B's Turkey Holiday Bird and Bubbly

There was flour and bread crumbs in every inch of the kitchen as preparations for Thanksgiving were well under way.  The shopping nightmare was now behind the B and the cooking ritual was presently at hand.  A 21 pound bird took seniority over the other groceries in the refrigerator and dominated the available space.  Loaves of bread were cut and cubed to dry, and a chicken broth and buttery blend that would become dressing was simmering on the stove.  The food processor was hauled to the counter top and put to work on the heavy chopping of onion and celery that would be added to the bread crumbs in due time.  Meanwhile, steps were under way to roll out the dough for the pie crust while the B mixed up the creamy pumpkin concoction that would become a pie!  Yams were baking in the oven and the buzzer was screaming out it's reminder to remove them at once just as the simmering buttery blend was boiling over feeding the gas flames on the stove top!  TOB was texting me as her house full of company had arrived and she was sneaking into the powder room to grab one of the little vodka bottles she stashed in the vanity drawer to prepare for the ensuing events to come.  Just as the B almost neglected the corn bread baking in the oven, the door bell rang and a delivery of goodies from her favorite delicacy purveyor, David & something-or-other, was presented to her.  B was gifted with yummy cheeses and tasty, plump pears that were wrapped in it's own tissue and protected with the armor of a form fitted cardboard cradle.  Careful attention was given to including TOB's fave champagne to wash it all down with, and the bottle was immediately placed into the wine chiller for a post cooking celebration later in the day.  Getting back to the now smokey kitchen, the dressing was finished and placed into large baggies to cool before stuffing them into the chilled bird.  The yams were peeled and placed into a casserole ready to be dressed with the usual sweet goodies including marshmallows, brown sugar, butter (of course!) and fresh pecans from Aunt Cheryl's grove.  The difficult decision to either clean the kitchen or investigate the appellation of champagne and cheeses was made in favor of the cheese.  The B grabbed a few minutes in front her favorite housewives episode on the DVR with her chilled bubbly floating in a Waterford flute!  Thanksgiving as only a B could do it!

The Other B's Solo Night

Ahhhh, another Friday night ho-hum Country Club party – a maze of pink polo-shirted, golf-skirted, spray tanned and otherwise enhanced women vying for the bartender’s attention to grab that first glass of Chardonnay.  You know, the typical Club Set.  Not this B!  And not this night!  Tonight was a battle of the bands concert on the lawn.  A first annual (or one could hope).  Without my wingman B, I was going it alone tonight.  My first challenge – what to wear.  I decided on skinny black jeans, over-the-knee boots (black natch), beige leather jacket, chunky gold jewels and, to ensure the most flattering facial lighting, a fabulous fedora.  Strolling onto the scene and from the barrage of instant compliments from the boyz, as well as the evil eyes from those pink-shirted Chardonnay sippers, I realized I had selected the perfect outfit.  Food, fun, frenzy and fabulous music.  Several men and several martinis later (who keeps track of those minor details) I was being whirled around the dance floor.  It turned out to be a hugely successful event at “The Club” and judging from their immobile expressions it was one the Club Set hadn’t seen in a long time, if ever.  Pulsating music, flowing cocktails, flashbulbs…..but really, that’s just another night in the life of a B. 

Out on the Town "B"less!

I knew I would be going it alone tonight without my other B, and that meant I had to psych myself up for what would most likely be a flood of unruly boyz to handle! The theme for the event was a "red hot" night so I selected a subtle red sequined dress and diamond jewelry with a little Judith Leiber bag and 4" heels with an open toe and black stockings.   This was an eyeliner night so I stacked on the heavy make-up and wasn't sure who that was passing through my bedroom in the mirrors on the way out!  I grabbed a little black fur to throw over my shoulders knowing that the ballroom would be chilly for my svelte frame and bare shoulders; stuffed the blackberry and bright red lipstick in the handbag and headed out the door.  There were far too few people already in attendance when I arrived to be able to make my usual entrance and I feared that would dampen the night's expectations.  The doorman opened the lobby door as I stepped out of my Mercedes handing the key to the valet.  I winked as I entered the elevator lobby and made my way up to the ballroom where the dim cocktail light always favors a girls otherwise lacking good looks!  I checked in and got my little stickers for my shopping spree at the Silent Auction tables.  I made sure that I had a few blanks as it was apparent I would run out of the pre-printed sheet they had for me.  Mani-pedis, micro-dermabrasions, shiny jeweled baubles and restaurant gift certificates were calling to me!  I was surrounded by temptations everywhere with weekends at luxury beach houses, snow skiing packages and out of town spas listed among the treasures.  The boyz were now beginning to stack up around me and little pink vodka drinks were being placed in my bright red finger tips painted to match my toes!  The buzzing in my ear was distracting me as I tried to concentrate on my shopping while fielding 20 questions from all sides!  I was easy to find in my little red sequined dress and wives were sneering in my periphery as their husbands just had to check out the B at the auction table!  The program got under way and the usual rubber chicken dinner was served to a hungry crowd.  There was a band and they were lining up to take turns spinning me on the dance floor while keeping me plied with the little vodka drinks with the wedges of lime.  Dancing partners took to the floor and the boyz began their steady flow to take turns exhibiting their dance moves, the first of their mating calls which could be heard around the room by now.  I gracefully entertained them with my dance steps, returned to the auction to collect my loot, and departed in the usual B fashion with boyz in tow!  The valet brought the car, and, along with the mirage of men surrounding me, loaded my goodies into the trunk and the back seat, and I whisked away, once again leaving salivating consorts on the curb!

Lunch with the B's!

If you were out on the town for lunch on Friday, no doubt you heard we were too!  We took our seats at the bar at our favorite Italian haunt and the usual bottle of Pinot Noir appeared in front of us with two glasses!  The boyz began sticking to us like fly paper as we toasted another week of hell with the bosses!  We had business cards flying at us from both directions while the bartender kept the wine glasses full and the drinks coming.  Without a word, our favorite meal was served to us creating a frenzy as the boyz all around us realized it was an item not on the regular menu!  We sold them all on ordering one for themselves and we chatted up some business so we would all be sure to write off the expense!  There was a commercial real estate salesman, an insurance specialist and a wealth manager sniffing closest by, but the conversation quickly turned from business networking to the wine, the food and of course, THE B's!  We kept them mesmerized with our mindless jokes and they miraged us with questions.  Most of them were "outside the loopers" and you could tell we were the best thing that happened to them all week!  We finished our chicken and spinach dishes and sipped the remaining drops of wine from our goblets before we bid them adieu.   We pushed our chairs back heading out to leave them longing for more of the B's as we relished in our little wine buzz knowing the rest of the day would be just that much better!

Beotches Night Out!

Well it was "The Other Bitch"s birthday so we blessed the newest and most hip of Houston haunts with our presence in full cocktail regalia!  We staked our spot in the center of the action and prominently displayed the cake center stage on the table.  We applied heavy lipstick and began to entertain the stream of boyz that flowed our way like a geyser in the desert!  We ordered our chilled top shelf martinis with three olives on the stem with floating ice crystals, shaken not stirred of course!  Pretty little packages glistened under the cocktail lighting and other girls in their slinky dresses made their way to join our "party" now in full swing!  Conversations turned to the men in our lives:  Stories about how they contributed to our otherwise frustrating day now melting away with each sip.  The appetizers arrived and we delicately devoured them with chopsticks on tiny plates making sure to leave room for the important calories found in the glasses with the stems that were beginning to stack up!  The fragrance of the chocolate ganache cake was wafting through our little party crowd and we knew it wouldn't be long before we would be lighting the candles and passing the pieces around to all of the lucky crowd now 3 deep around the table!  The cards were read and passed around and the little sparkly packages contents each revealed to be shiny baubles which the birthday girl slipped on immediately!  The boyz were whisking each of the girls out to the small area just in front of the live entertainment for a few steps on the dance floor while we could all still do so without falling!  Champagne was being delivered to help wash the yummy morsels of pastey down and toast "The Other Beotch"!  As we both could tell that boredom with the scene was setting in, we grabbed our designer handbags and the birthday loot, blew a kiss or two to the crowd and made our way out to the Valet to collect our cars with a line of lusty boyz in tow.  We gave them our "B" phone numbers (fake of course) and disappeared into the night confident that our presence was emblazoned in their memories forever!  Until next time :-)